Tapping rhythmically on the wet bathroom floor, my heels and toes kept in time with a vision looping in my thoughts. I was running. Memories of a old favourite running track. The last kilometre was framed by trees. The white path lead to the finish line. Each tree served as a motivation.
Run, run as fast as you can. One more tree, just to the corner.
My feet splashed onto the floor, the tapping sending the water from the shower up onto my calves.
The contraction ended. Two finish lines met.
A drip in my arm, and monitors strapped to my belly.
It was someones birth day.
I ran from the thought of another induction, for 5 long years. I promised myself, that this time... well it would be different. 39 weeks passed. Hopes of spontaneous labour, evaporated. Sparkles was already measuring 2 weeks ahead, and the thought of another traumatic experience birthing an over cooked baby.. made my blood run cold.
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23/12/14
9am.
I was oddly calm. I was ready. I had prepared myself mentally. If I could cope with the worst, I could cope with anything. I walked to the birthing suite. The crib waiting neatly at the door, brought it all home. Today, she was coming. Today.
I was still, scared.
I met my midwife, Chris. We got off to a shaky start, as once again my 14 hour previous labour was dismissed as normal. It wasn't until my Chris arrived, that we talked some more and found a really good bond. I will never, ever forget her. I truly feel, she in some sort of way was sent to protect me.
My waters were broken. Ten shades of pain trying to get the drip in. I talked though my birth plan with Chris. Calm. I just wanted calm. No hysteria, no meddling, no losing control. Drug free, but I wanted to know my options if I tired. I asked her advice. She set me up with the fitball, who would become my BFF over the next few hours. She opened a window, that I spent many a contraction leaning out of.
I bounced on the fitball. The conversation flowed. Chris had been a midwife in many parts of the world. We had a few laughs. The pain started to build. I moved around the room. The pain took over. Nothing was imaginable other than, one more contraction closer to meeting her. I had two puffs of gas. Hated it. The pain. The pain is something else. I had to try and not work against it.
I am sure lots happened here. I remembered many moments of self doubt. Many. I had my Chris, as my ultimate rock. Guiding me. Reminding me, that I can do this. Contractions built. They adjusted the drip to a more manageable level. The midwife Chris, supported me. It was too late now, she was coming.
I asked for an internal. I had decided that if I wasn't dilated enough, then I would be calling the pain relief army.
8-9cm.
Fuckity Fuck.
It took over. The absolute desire to push. I heard them organise for my ob to come back. It was like I was in the eye of the storm. I knew a whirlwind was happening around me. But I was so focused.
They could see her head. Did I want to look? No. She had hair? Black hair?
I was getting incredibly tired now. As much as she inched out, she would inch back in. My bed was surrounded by people now. My legs in stirrups. I counted 4 midwives, Chris and my ob. They looked serious. They needed her out. Now. Her heart rate was starting to show signs of stress. I was effing tired. I didn't even know my legs bent that way. My ob, for the little lady she is.. was getting me focused and the urgency of getting her out. She started to get organised for using a vacuum.
Get that away from me. That hurt like hell. I was determined. You all can bugger off with you stabby needles and vacuums... I have this.
I pushed. Then even when you think you have nothing, you keep pushing. The ring of fire, is fitting. Oh dear gawd, That pain never leaves you. Her shoulder got stuck, causing a little tear. She swooped up onto my chest. Her skin was covered in white. Her hair. Her eyes. No cries. No movement. The midwives were rubbing her. Out of my sight, the resuscitation machine was wheeled in. Is she ok? Is she ok?? They kept rubbing her.
The cry that she released, reassured me.
At 3:49pm a star was born.
Sophie Louise.
Louise is after my sister, as it's her middle name too.
I cannot believe, I did it. I had the unwavering support of my husband. A fantastic support of a medical team.
She is here. It's love. It's a little sister. It's a beautiful daughter.
A star was born xxx
Loved this. Beautiful! So glad she's here and you're both safe and well xx
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