With heart.

Today I heard Sparkle's heart beat. It truly was a moment.  Of course, you know you have a baby growing inside you, but sometimes just hearing that sign of life, just grabs your senses and gives them a good squishy hug.

I am sitting here, eating Cheezels. I've just put a lasagne on ready for tea, but we all know that will be shelved for a bowl of Crunchy Nut cornflakes.  I feel so sluggish.  I am trying to fill my body with nutrients, but when you have already narfed up your morning cup of tea.. you are scraping the barrel on choices.

I had forgotten, the extreme tiredness.  It's fun.  Fun in a, I would actually sell a limb, to have a nap right now.

I filled in my hospital paperwork.  Did I have concerns in my previous labour?  Well, how much time do you have? Since they only gave me two lines of space,  I kept it to: quite farkin nervous actually, quite surprised I didn't have to have a blood transfusion and ohmygod my baby tried to come out sideways.  I am a little bit anxious, had a long intense labour. Possibly should of had a c-section.

I am learning, not to wish the days away. Embrace those moments.  They may be really rubbish ones, when your four year old has her hands on her hips and you can now add: United Nations peace keeping attributes to your resume. Or they might be really wonderful ones, where you feel those little kicks. You catch a sight of your tummy in the mirror. Or said four year old walks up to your tummy and says: Good morning! Sparkles!

As cheesy and hallmark-like it is, life is truly about all these moments.  You'll never crack the code.  You'll never be king of the castle.  It's about doing your best.  Picking up the pieces when they fall, and creating structure when need be. Don't wish days away.  Especially this being our last child, I am embracing all these firsts.  Because soon, they will be the lasts.

In 5 months, life is about to thrown into newborn world.  Days of nappies and what the feck am I doing.  I love that I have the confidence, to roughly charter this territory.  With EG, I was worried what to do with the baby, when I went to the loo. This time, I am worried about how many stitches I will need in my hoo-haa.  I am trying to roll with my motto: it is.. what it is.  Birth plans are quite funny and you may as well eat your Enya CD.  I don't necessarily want a do-over on birth, but I sure do want to have more control.  I was so embarrassed the morning after Eg's birth.  That all these women had seen me howling like a banshee.  I could hear babies screaming for nights after.  13 hours of intensity.

But right now, I am focusing on today.  Hearing those bombty-bomps heart beats.  Enjoying the rate my hair is growing.  The crunch of cereal.  Hugs from my girl EG.  Thinking, dreaming and pondering.

In this moment, it's all good.