take two.

Second time around, is one half reassuring and one half .. it's been nearly 5 years and OH MY GAWD I HAD FORGOTTEN THAT ALL THE THINGS HURT. Seriously, I had to make a pit stop at the milk aisle yesterday.  I am by no means, a walking advertisement for pregnancy. Unless you are going for a weepy, walking-like-a-texas-ranger Pregzilla type vibe.  Plus, last night I had no sleep because: Charlie-puppy had extreme gas and kept giving himself frights.  

My hair is growing quite nicely though! swish, swish. 

Second time around, I am pro-active.  Aside from kicking a flatulent Charlie-puppy out to another room.. I am my own pregnancy crusader.  With EG's pregnancy, I soldiered on.  I had billions of questions, but was always rushed.  I knew no different.  I thought morning sickness was just the card I was dealt with. I thought labour was labour and had my birth plan.  I never questioned why I was being induced, if my child was ready to come earth side sideways.  You just do, what you do.

Every time, I feel I am reaching a road block.. I repeat to myself. Be proactive.  So I have booked into an Osteopath.  I wrote on my hospital notes, that (in not so many words) I am packing my pants at the thought of child birth.  I ask for help.  I talk openly & honestly to Chris.  That today was a struggle. That I am tired.  So tired.  Being pregnant, with a four year old.. is a huge hurdle.

I have bought zip zero for this child.  For many reasons.  A) I am waiting impatiently to find out the flavour I am baking.  If it's a girl, then I can attack the bags in storage with gusto. If it's a boy, then look out Target.. I am coming at YOU. B) I have everything really, pram cot etc.

But the main reason?

You can have everything from Babies are Zany (or whatever camp named store they all seem to be called) and to be honest.  What a baby needs?  It's you.  I learnt so much from my hazy newborn days with EG.  It's a time, where you are both learning.  About each other.  What you like, hate, enjoy and what limit you can take sleep deprivation to. No one ever knows what they are doing.  Ever.  You are building a relationship.  So I am brain storming.  Stream lining life.  Building routines and ideas, to help. Researching wraps, so I am hands free to help with EG at school.  I am reading, asking, thinking. I'd rather create my safe haven nest, then go mental buying everything. With a first child, you a smug.  You'll break the mould. You'll unlock the code.  Second child? You beeline to realistic ideals. 

Well, that's this week.  Next week I will most likely be at Babies are Cootie Patootie buying a wipe warmer.

The biggest factor with labour, is I want to have control.  I am not a prude.  I am not a control freak. I am not an airy-fairy birth plan waving warrior.  I just want the best outcome.  In hindsight, Eg's labour was scary.  It shouldn't have been.  It effected our first few months together, dramatically.  I cried this morning, it just got all too much.  Chris held me.  Promised me, he was there for me then.. and he will be there for me now.  He was my rock in labour with EG.  Literally.  I have vague recollections of being held up be him as I wailed like a banshee on the floor.  It was traumatic.  

It's about creating that head space.  Being informed, proactive and realistic. 

It's about, waiting for Sparkles.

I can't wait little one, I cannot wait.